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"Ifrinn an Diabhuil! A Dhia, thoir cobhair!"

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This webpage will remain on hiatus due to my poor health, it will re-open when I can devote the time to it I feel it deserves. I apologize to those who follow it.

JD

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My apologies on the silence of this muse, it's been a bad year for me. A slow healing broken arm and ill health have temporarily put most of my writings on hold, I'll be back once we get a handle on things again.

Thanks for reading,
JD

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The weather ha' turned for the worst. When I woke tae find mi cave's openin' blocked by snow I knew tha' the days I'd been dreadin' were once more upon me. Tis nay bad enough tha' I already must spend all but the time it takes tae scavenge for whatever beastie will be tha' night's dinner hidden away. Now, e'en tha' wee time of freedom puts mi life at greater risk as the snow betrays me wi' each step I take.

In these months of isolation, I'll live on rations barely big enough tae keep the bairns at Lallybroch alive, but, I canna risk their makin' the trek here while snow covers the ground. I canna risk the English tying those at Broch Tuarach, tae this cave, and worse tae me.

Each winter mi life here becomes worse than the last. The comfort I once found in familiar books, the comfort tha' sustained me in years past is no longer here. Jenny tries sae hard. Wi' ev'ry bundle of food comes a note, or a trinket meant tae strengthen me, and though I know she means well, all I see is the danger tae all those who are a party tae keepin' me hidden.

How much longer can I keep doin' this tae them? As their Laird, mi job is tae see them safe. Tis not tae put them in harm's way, and yet wi' ev'ry day tha' dawns, I do jus' tha'. As hard as it may be for Jenny tae hear, the time may well hae come for me tae make mi presence known tae the English. The time may well hae come for me tae join mi Clanmates at Ardsmuir, and spare any others from Lallybroch the danger of imprisonment or death. The time may well hae come for me tae leave mi beloved Broch Turach, e'en knowin' I may ne'er see her agin.


Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 318
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Of all tha' they hae taken from us, tis funny tha' I miss books the most. I donnae mind sae much when busy in the fields, but, at night when they hae put us back in these wee cells, and I feel tha' tightness of the manacle, chainin' me tae the wall like some animal. Aye, tis then tha' I find miself thinkin' of how much we hae lost.

We try and act like it doesna bother us, we hae tae, for the lads among us. It isna easy. I look at some, like wee Angus MacKenzie, and I canna help but, feel tha' I could hae done more. I could hae stopped them at Lallybroch. Iffin only I'd heeded Claire's warnin's. She'd told me wha' tae expect, but, I'd pledged mi word and tha' of those who would follow me. Maybe too, deep down, I didna wanna believe we would fail, and I couldna take tha' chance nay matter how much I loved her. Och, why didn't I listen? It twas my duty as their Laird tae protect them, tae see them safe for their wives, and for their bairns and instead mi actions brought them here, or worse, cost them their lives.

Wha' kind of life is left tae those who survived Culloden now? Mi head keeps askin' why they donnae just kill us. Wha' reason do they hae in keepin' us here? We spend our days workin' 'til we're too tired tae move, fed little more than enough tae keep a wee lassie alive, then our evenin's tellin tales of lives we'll ne'er agin know, and books we'll ne'er agin read. They willna say it themselves, but, I know I've failed them all, and I donnae know how tae undue the wrongs I've done. I donnae know how tae gie them back all they hae lost, and worst of all, I'm afraid tae ask their forgiveness.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 319
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The battle of Culloden As depicted in the story "The Low Road." Crawford's Regiment of Jacobites

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I'd meant to go tae my death that day. E'en wi' knowin' all tha' Claire had told me of Culloden, I couldna betray mi Clan, and I couldna turn mi back on those I'd sworn tae see safe, e'en tae spare mi own life.

Mi life. Mi life was gone from tha' moment Claire stepped through those stones. I'd ne'er know the bairn she carried, ne're know iffin it were a wee lad or a lassie. Ne'er know iffin the bairn would hae my red hair, or be dark like mi Da. I only knew, they were gone, tha' I'd ne'er again know Claire's touch, or her kiss. The only thing tha' made it bearable twas knowin' tha' before day's end, mi life would be o'er, and I wouldna hae tae miss them any longer. Iffin I'd only known how wrong I would be.

When first I came to after the battle, I thought surely I must hae been sent tae Hell. I awoke tae the smell of smoke, of blood, and death, and t'were it not for a verra strange reddish glow, it was all a damp misty grey. Then I thought, Hell shouldna chill mi tae the bone, but, it did. I remember thinkin' I shouldna be layin' in ice cold water iffin I were in Hell, neither should I feel the sting of sleet on mi bare skin as it was carried on the freezin' wind. Yet, both were true.

I remember thinkin' in those final moments a'fore I cast the thought away, that only in Hell could I feel pain such as I was feelin' and of all of those places I hurt, it was mi broken nose tha' pained me the most. I had no more time tae think on it then for I heard the call of mi name, and while I wished they'd leave me tae die it wasna tae be.

I'd freed miself of Jack Randall's dead weight 'fore they found me, but, when a crow began that make a meal off him I couldna hold back mi revulsion. It was mi cry tha' brought them to where I lay, the four who, despite mi protests wouldna leave me tae die. We knew there'd be no runnin' I, like others there, couldna e'en walk, so in the wee cottage we found refuge, or so we thought. For two days we lay in our own filth, battling fever and infection, likely mi wish tae die might still hae come true had it not been for the English who found us, and Lord Melton who gave me the second chance I dinna want. While all others who'd sought shelter wi' me were led tae their deaths, mi life was spared in repayment of a debt owed by a lad of 16 from some six months afore.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: The Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 470
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"Jamie, lad, what ye doin', boy? We've work tae be tendin' tae." Brian Fraser settled the stone into position on the wall that he was working on before looking around for his son. As he saw him crouched on the ground near the pile of stones he was supposed to be moving, the man's face grew dark.

"Jamie, this wall won't be buildin' itself." When the boy still didn't rise, his father wiped his hands on his kilt and headed toward him to see what had so completely captured his attention.

"Jamie! Hae ye gone daft?" The words were sharp as he reached him and it took every ounce of control left in him for him not to yank the boy to his feet.

"D'ye see, Da? Tis jus' a wee thing, twas under the stones, d'ye think I can take him back to the barn? I'll make sure tae feed him and it won't bother my chores none." As he questioned his father the boy rose, revealing the small animal he held cradled in his palms.

"Ye'll see, he won't be no trouble." The expectation for acceptance in the boy's words was too great for his father to refuse and despite his irritation at the delay he finally nodded.

"Aye, ye can keep him, take him back and settle him in a box of straw with some grain and water, then git yerself back here, we've work tae finish 'fore dark tha' canna wait."

"Aye, I'll hurry, thank ye, Da. " Jamie's grin spread fully across his face before he cupped one hand over the other and took off across the field, leaving his father only to shake his head before returning to his work on the wall.


Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 287
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“I want to die while you love me, While yet you hold me fair, While laughter lies upon my lips, And lights are in my hair.” - Georgia Douglas Johnson

Och, mi bonnie Claire, iffin only we had more time, but, time is our enemy, it won't be long I'll wake you, I'll kiss yer sweet lips for the last time and send ye through the stones ne'er tae see ye agin.

Fate seems only tae taunt us, first by bringin' ye tae me, makin' me see all the good life has tae give, only tae then snatch it away, barely allowin' us tae taste it. Iffin only I could hae understood sooner wha' was happenin', iffin I could hae seen past mi suspicions, mi own mistrust, iffin I had only been able tae see ye for who ye really were sooner.

E'en now, as I hold ye in my arms, watchin' yer face as ye sleep sae peaceful beside me, I feel mi own selfishness beggin' me tae wake ye. Mi heart is screamin' at me, tellin' me tae run away from here, tellin' me tae abandon those who will on the morn follow me tae their deaths, and instead it strives tae convince me tae take you away, and as much as I would like tae, I jus' canna do it.

I know, as sure as I draw breath, that' I will likely be going tae mi death as I enter the fields of Culloden, but, I canna turn mi back on those who hae placed their faith in me. Ye, better then most hae tae understand why I canna go, why I canna betray mi word, any more then I can deny who I am, and it pains me deeply.

So, I'll take wha' little time I hae left wi ye mi darlin' Sassenach, and when I tire of watchin' you sleep, I'll wake ye so I can take ye once more before fate forces us apart. As hard as it will be, I'll see ye then safely tae the stones, but, then ye'll hae tae forgive me one last selfish request, and tha' is that I nay watch ye take those final steps. It's nay tha' I donnae want tae be there wi ye mi darlin' Claire, but, more tha' I donnae want mi last memory of ye tae be one of ye leavin' me.


Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom:Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 367
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I donnae know any mon tha' wants tae die. I donnae know any mon who wants tae leave behind family and friends, ne'er knowin' iffin they'll e'er see them agin, but, tis wha' we did in those days leadin' up tae Culloden.

I knew wha' none of those wi' me knew, tha' which Claire had shared before we had parted, and e'en knowin' that we would fail, tha' we would all likely die, it didna change wha' mus' be done.

I donae think I could e'er hae explained tha' which seemed sae clear tae me tae Claire. The knowledge was somethin' tha' was born of years of belongin', of bein' taught the importance of nae jus' family, but of Clan, an County. I nae more couldna turn mi back on Prince Charles and the pledge tha' I'd given tae him then I could hae turned mi back on mi own blood. Ye see, if I canna trust mi word, then I suerly canna trust the man tha I am either.

So it was that we stood tha' day on Culloden Moor, ready tae die for wha' we believed in, knowin' in our hearts and our souls, tha' we would win, aye...iffin we believed it tae be true, we would win.


Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom:Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 211
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