James · Alexander · Malcolm · MacKenzie · Fraser

The weather ha' turned for the worst. When I woke tae find mi cave's openin' blocked by snow I knew tha' the days I'd been dreadin' were once more upon me. Tis nay bad enough tha' I already must spend all but the time it takes tae scavenge for whatever beastie will be tha' night's dinner hidden away. Now, e'en tha' wee time of freedom puts mi life at greater risk as the snow betrays me wi' each step I take.

In these months of isolation, I'll live on rations barely big enough tae keep as the bairns at Lallybroch alive, but, I canna risk their makin' the trek here while snow covers the ground. I canna risk the English tying those at Broch Tuarach, tae this cave, and worse tae me.

Each winter mi life here becomes worse than the last. The comfort I once found in familiar books, the comfort tha' sustained me in years past is no longer here. Jenny tries sae hard. Wi' ev'ry bundle of food comes a note, or a trinket meant tae strengthen me, and though I know she means well, all I see is the danger tae all those who are a party tae keepin' me hidden.

How much longer can I keep doin' this tae them? As their Laird, mi job is tae see them safe. Tis not tae put them in harm's way, and yet wi' ev'ry day tha' dawns, I do jus' tha'. As hard as it may be for Jenny tae hear, the time may well hae come for me tae make mi presence known tae the English. The time may well hae come for me tae join mi Clanmates at Ardsmuir, and spare any others from Lallybroch the danger of imprisonment or death. The time may well hae come for me tae leave mi beloved Broch Turach, e'en knowin' I may ne'er see her agin.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 318

The battle of Culloden As depicted in the story "The Low Road." Crawford's Regiment of Jacobites

"Jamie, lad, what ye doin', boy? We've work tae be tendin' tae." Brian Fraser settled the stone into position on the wall that he was working on before looking around for his son. As he saw him crouched on the ground near the pile of stones he was supposed to be moving, the man's face grew dark.

"Jamie, this wall won't be buildin' itself." When the boy still didn't rise, his father wiped his hands on his pants and headed toward him to see what had so completely captured his attention.

"Jamie! Hae ye gone daft?" The words were sharp as he reached him and it took every ounce of control left in him for him not to yank the boy to his feet.

"D'ye see, Da? Tis jus' a wee thing, twas under the stones, d'ye think I can take him back to the barn? I'll make sure tae feed him and it won't bother my chores none." As he questioned his father the boy rose, revealing the small animal he held cradled in his palms.

"Ye'll see, he won't be no trouble." The expectation for acceptance in the boy's words was too great for his father to refuse and despite his irritation at the delay he finally nodded.

"Aye, ye can keep him, take him back and settle him in a box of straw with some grain and water, then git yerself back here, we've work tae finish 'fore dark tha' canna wait."

"Aye, I'll hurry, thank ye, Da. " Jamie's grin spread fully across his face before he cupped one hand over the other and took off across the field, leaving his father only to shake his head before returning to his work on the wall.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 287

“I want to die while you love me, While yet you hold me fair, While laughter lies upon my lips, And lights are in my hair.” - Georgia Douglas Johnson

Och, mi bonnie Claire, iffin only we had more time, but, time is our enemy, it won't be long I'll wake you, I'll kiss yer sweet lips for the last time and send ye through the stones ne'er tae see ye agin.

Fate seems only tae taunt us, first by bringin' ye tae me, makin' me see all the good life has tae give, only tae then snatch it away, barely allowin' us tae taste it. Iffin only I could hae understood sooner wha' was happenin', iffin I could hae seen past mi suspicions, mi own mistrust, iffin I had only been able tae see ye for who ye really were sooner.

E'en now, as I hold ye in my arms, watchin' yer face as ye sleep sae peaceful beside me, I feel mi own selfishness beggin' me tae wake ye. Mi heart is screamin' at me, tellin' me tae run away from here, tellin' me tae abandon those who will on the morn follow me tae their deaths, and instead it strives tae convince me tae take you away, and as much as I would like tae, I jus' canna do it.

I know, as sure as I draw breath, that' I will likely be going tae mi death as I enter the fields of Culloden, but, I canna turn mi back on those who hae placed their faith in me. Ye, better then most hae tae understand why I canna go, why I canna betray mi word, any more then I can deny who I am, and it pains me deeply.

So, I'll take wha' little time I hae left wi ye mi darlin' Sassenach, and when I tire of watchin' you sleep, I'll wake ye so I can take ye once more before fate forces us apart. As hard as it will be, I'll see ye then safely tae the stones, but, then ye'll hae tae forgive me one last selfish request, and tha' is that I nay watch ye take those final steps. It's nay tha' I donnae want tae be there wi ye mi darlin' Claire, but, more tha' I donnae want mi last memory of ye tae be one of ye leavin' me.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom:Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 367

I donnae know any mon tha' wants tae die. I donnae know any mon who wants tae leave behind family and friends, ne'er knowin' iffin they'll e'er see them agin, but, tis wha' we did in those days leadin' up tae Culloden.

I knew wha' none of those wi' me knew, tha' which Claire had shared before we had parted, and e'en knowin' that we would fail, tha' we would all likely die, it didna change wha' mus' be done.

I donae think I could e'er hae explained tha' which seemed sae clear tae me tae Claire. The knowledge was somethin' tha' was born of years of belongin', of bein' taught the importance of nae jus' family, but of Clan, an County. I nae more couldna turn mi back on Prince Charles and the pledge tha' I'd given tae him then I could hae turned mi back on mi own blood. Ye see, if I canna trust mi word, then I suerly canna trust the man tha I am either.

So it was that we stood tha' day on Culloden Moor, ready tae die for wha' we believed in, knowin' in our hearts and our souls, tha' we would win, aye...iffin we believed it tae be true, we would win.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom:Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 211

All I can think of is the blood, twas everywhere, soakin' our clothes, mattin' our hair to our heads. Ye'd fight 'til ye couldn't see, then wipe the blood from yer eyes and start agin. If the blood twas bad when ye stood, twas far worse when ye fell. There were sae many dead on Culloden Moor tha' it pooled in puddles ye see. Ye'd lay in it, tastin' it in yer mouth, too weak tae move, til ye was sure it would choke ye, but it ne'er did. Then, later when the battle raged around ye, ys'd feel it start to tighten in yer wounds, drawin' snug the ragged edges til some movement tore them open yet agin. I'd thought nothin' could be worse then tha' feelin' until I woke in tha' wee cabin, jus' off the Moor, the stench of sae many wounded crowded together suckin' wha' little air there was away. I was sure then, tha' I knew wha' it mus' feel like tae die, I was wrong, and before day's end the English would prove it yet agin.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 181

I thought I knew e'ery kind of sorrow, from mi brother Willie's death as a boy, tae tha' of mi Mum and Da. I endured the knowin' of the abuse of mi sister when I wasna strong enough tae fight tha' English off of her, and I've known the sorrow of the death of mi own bairn, before she had barely taken breath. Maybe I'm bein' selfish, but, none of those sorrows seem tae compare tae tha' which I felt in those moments when I knew I had lost mi darlin' Claire and the bairn she carried within her on the morn before Culloden.

I know I should be grateful, she and the bairn mus' be safe, I know they went back through the stones, back tae Claire's other life. At least there they were spared the pain and hunger those here ha'e had tae face, they've nay known how many were lost at Culloden and those bloody days tha' followed. I ne'er want her tae know tha' sorrow, it's enough for me tae face it, and know tha' she knew it was comin'. This was mi choice, for e'en wi the knowin' I couldna leave, but, neither could I keep her here, e'en though it eats a hole in mi stomach, and at times I feel I canna breath, I needed tae know she and the bairn would be safe, I needed tae know they would live.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: Outlander Books by Diana Gabaldon
Words: 239

Tis a question I hae asked mi'self, too often of late it seems. Why bring Claire intae mi life only tae take her away agin? Why tempt me wi' the hopes of knowin' the joys of bein' a Da, nay once, but twice? Wasna it enough tha' you stole the first from us before she could know life, but then tae take the next and Claire wi' her wi'out me e'en knowin of their fate?

Why too would ye bring Claire tae me, knowin she carried the truth of our fate at Culloden? Ye had tae know tha' e'en knowin' wha' we did, tha' we would still hae tae go. Ye had tae know tha' we had pledged our lives and e'en though we knew how it would end, we couldna gie back on our word.

Why did ye spare mi life when ye took sae many more deservin' tha' day? Wha' made me sae special? D'ye hae some plan fer me ye've yet tae share? I canna tell ye how often I ask mi'self these questions and more as I lay here in this cave, wonderin' if taeday is the day the English will find me, wonderin' if any more lives will be lost tryin' tae protect me.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words 209

"Mac Dubn, your turn now, iffin ye could hae any wish, wha' would it be?" Jamie Fraser considered the man's question carefully from his corner of the damp cell at Ardsmuir. There were so many things he missed, some, like time alone with Claire were too personal to share. What else might he wish for? Maybe to see the bairn that she had carried inside her when she had left? He often found himself thinking about them, had she given birth to a boy or a girl, and if the bairn had survived had she carried through with his request that it be named for his father?

Like many here he also dreamt of his freedom, perhaps he might wish for that. To once again walk the hills and moors of the lands he'd been born to. To smell fresh grasses and thistle, to drink from an icy creek, or to fish on a lazy afternoon.

If they were truly speaking of wishes maybe he could undo the pain they had all endured, maybe he could make the ultimate wish and ask that the events of Culloden would never have happened. In one moment he could bring back the lives of those who had fallen, he could reunite families, and clans, and send the English back to their own lands.

"I'd wish tha' the English twould double our rations and bring us another fire barrel, that'd be mi wish." The Scot's manacles clanked against one another as he shifted position in the darkness, his words met by a chorus of "Ayes" and laughter before the question passed to the next person in the cell.

There would have been no use taking their thoughts to anything dark, no, best he kept those to himself...it was better that way.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words 299

As I lay hidden in this cave, wi' barely enough room tae turn around, I canna help but wish I were anywhere else but here. It's been weeks since I've spoke tae another except in mi thoughts, and as much as I wish tae keep mi freedom, I long for the company of others.

I find mi'self dreamin' of the times I spent in the woods, the hours I lay on the banks of a stream wi' mi hand in the water, mi fingers lazily callin' the fish to me. I miss tha'. I miss tha' sense of peace tha' seemed tae come sae easily on those long days when Ian and I escaped our Da's amongst the trees. I canna help now and wonder iffin it is somethin' tha' we will e'er agin know, or is it, like sae much more, just one more thing tha' was lost on those bloody fields of Culloden?

I donnae want tae think of those lost on tha' day, but I feel mi thoughts driftin' there, sae I squeeze tight mi eyes and I pray for the memories of the woods tae return. Bring tae me those memories of childhood, e'en as I know they can't last fore'er. For in those memories I can find the peace tha' refuses tae stay wi' me both when I lay awake, and when I gie in tae sleep and lose mi'self tae the dreams.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words 241

It isna easy tae think of times nae here, tae think of the life I will ne'er likely know. I donnae think I'll live tae see twenty years in mi future, truth be told, I donnae think I'll live tae see another ten.

Aye, I know I lived tae tell the tales of Culloden, to speak tae the horrors of those who nay longer live tae speak for themselves. But, I dare not see past the here and now, dare not dream of the life I canna possibly hope tae see.

When I do look tae the future, it is tae wonder what kind of life Claire has found, tae wonder the fate of the bairn tha' she carried within her on the night tha' she left. For I canna help but wonder iffin' she found someone tae share her life wi', and if she and our bairn are happy, in tha end, nothin' else matters.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 158

If you could read my mind right now… Talk about a conversation when what you said was not what you were thinking.

Claire...I want ye tae go...

Could any five words have been harder tae say, especially knowin' wha' she had said would be comin'?

I think often about the conversation we had on our final night together, the words we whispered back and forth as we held each other in the dark, knowin' we likely would ne'er see each other again. I had tae convince her tae leave e'en as I knew wi' all mi heart I wanted only tae hold her tight and ne'er let her loose. As hard as it was tae say those words, I knew too that I had tae make her believe me, not just for the safety of her own life, but fer tha' of the bairn she carried within her. I couldna stepped onto those fields any other way. If only there were a way tae know if she were safe...if they were safe.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 153

Mi faith sustains me. I think of all tha' has been taken from us, of all who hae been lost, of all those years when I was forced tae hide mi'self away wi' only God himself for company. I canna think of how I would hae survived all tha' has been asked of me had it not been for mi faith.

It shames me tae hae tae hide mi faith, but like sae much of mi life I donnae hae a choice. It's hard tae imagine tha' they could fear sae much those verra things tha' were the foundations for who we were. E'en before Culloden the English sought tae make Catholicism illegal, and in those years after things would only get worse as they outlawed too our bearin' of weapons and the wearin' of our Clan tartans. If only they had realized tha' it wasna just the things tha' made us who we are, we're born tae it, it's in our blood from the moment we take our first breath and it doesna leave us until we take our last.

I donnae need their symbols tae remind me of who or what I am, and I only need open mi eyes tae bear witness of the strength of mi faith. I donnae know either wha' plan God has for me, I only know tha' it has yet to reveal itself tae me for he has had more than a few chances tae see me on mi way to him and still he keeps me here. For tha' I am greatful e'en if I don't always show it.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 272

Sure as I breathe iffin I were tae tell most tha truth of where Claire came from they would think me drunk or daft. Likely too, iffin she were still here they would accuse her of being in league wi' tha devil. For ye see, Claire was nay of this place, nor e'en of this time, she came tae me as she left, through tha stones.

Durin' her time here Claire saved many lives, and had I only but listened she could hae saved sae many more. Claire knew we wouldna win at Culloden, she knew far too many would lose their lives and she begged me tae listen, but I had given mi word, I couldna refuse tae lead those tha' followed me any more than I could refuse tae breathe.

I listened tae her tales of horseless wagons, of lights tha' stayed on wi'out flames, of water tha' came to ye, instead of ye fetchin' it in wi buckets and I found mi'self wonderin' wha' it must be like tae live in such a world of magicks as that. I would hae given all of those up though in thanks for tha' one tha' would save Jenny and those at Lallybroch as she warned them of tha hunger that would come. For ye see, Claire taught us of tha potatoes tha' would keep somethin' in the bellies of those at Broch Turach while sae many others were dyin' of hunger.

Sae, tha' is mi secret, mi wife, mi love, mi Sassenach...

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 252

I'm not sure tha good of wishin' on things ye canna hae, but iffin there were such as a perfect day, it would be one tha' made sure tha' Culloden had ne'er happened. Tha day would be one tha' was spent among family and clan, sharin' music, tha stories of battles and those long passed, and tables heavy wi' food.

Durin' those years of hidin' in tha cave above Lallybroch, and those years after in Ardsmuir, many a long night were spent dreamin'of wha' I didna hae,wha' we didna hae and those we were wi'out. When tha pangs of hunger were tearin' at our insides we would take turns rememberin' on feasts tha we'd all thought tae be perfect. When tha chill from tha winter's winds left us frozen, it was our stories tha' warmed us. Mayhaps they weren't perfect days, but they were better then those we faced at tha hands of tha English, and we couldna ask for more then tha'.


Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 168

Would I, d'ye mean hae I? For iffin tha' be the case then the answer be aye.

I canna remember how old I was when the first man fell under mi blade, but since then there hae been far too many tae count. I donnae think I e'er woke and thought, today I feel like killin' a man, but tha' hasna stopped it from happenin'. I know too twas ne'er mi choice tae take a life, but, when it comes ta knowin' the choice tis down ta defendin' yer lands, yer people, or yer freedom how d'ye not?

None of those deaths though compare tae tha' lives tha were lost on tha' fields of Culloden. It wasna jus' tha' we were betrayed by our own, or tha' lives were taken long after the battle itself was lost. I only hae one regret ye see, for had I known tha' the English were capable of such brutality as tha' I surely would hae killed far more and likely I wouldna be here now tae speak of it.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 180

After Culloden, time became mi enemy, e'en moreso than the English e'er were. Layin' in tha' tiny cave wi' only mi thoughts for company I was taken places I hae no desire to revisit, places tha' left mi face wet with shed tears. It wasna tha' the memories themselves were bad ones, for tha' wasna the case at all, in many cases the memories tha' came were ones tha' brought me joy, but wi' tha' joy came sadness for it was a reminder of a time tha' was no more, and likely would never be again.

So much of the life we knew is gone, not jus' for the lives lost at Culloden, not for Claire's passin' back through the stones to wherever it was from which she'd come. Life for all on Lallybroch has been changed by the events surroundin' Culloden, by the losses not jus' of our loved ones, but our way of life as well, and I fear for how we will adapt to those changes. Time is our enemy now, and I donnae know how to change tha'.

Muse: Jamie Fraser
Frandom:"Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 182

There be sae many night tae remember, some bring a smile tae mi lips, some a tear tae mi eye. Many come tae me when I sleep as nightmares, leavin' me soaked in sweat and breathin' sae hard ye'd think I'd jus' run a race wi' the devil hisself. Still others come as reminders of those things I've lost. I cherish those memories for wi'out them I'd nae hae tha' last night wi' Claire or family and friends long gone tae keep me company.

In Ardsmuir I used tae dread the comin' of the night. Layin' in tha' dark cell, listenin' tae the sounds of others around me, I couldn't help but blame mi'self for the deaths of those from Broch Tuarach. If I hadn't learned the lessons of mi Da sae well, the lessons of Dougal and Callum, maybe they would still be alive.

The nights leave too much time tae think and on those nights, I can only lay here and hope tha' it'll pass quickly. No matter how long the night lasts, no matter what it brings wi' it, I know another day'll come and wi' it, the start of a cycle that seems never endin'.



Muse: Jamie Fraser
Fandom: "Outlander" book series/Misc Books
Words: 180